Quarter-Life crisis.

I have not written the following lines, Before you move ahead with reading .. I just wanna thank the person who has written it (I wish I knew who did).
"Dear X, I don't think I have came across feelings compiled so well into words for a long time now. And yes I do relate to it."


BEING IN TWENTIES - SOMETHING

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

FATE DETERMINES WHO COMES INTO OUR LIVES.....OUR HEART DETERMINES WHO STAYS

Launching!!!!

Finally the crucial day is upon us. We are launching http://www.yomacha.com/ on this 17th!
Now a lot of people are thinking that its a gonna be a massive launch with booze party, hot girls, dance floor etc.. lemme jus butt in and clarify... Its a website launch by a start up venture, Which means a couple a insiders, cups of coffee or tea, one cake, chips and stopping every passable face on road to click picture and put up on yomacha.com.
So ladies and (few) gentlemen around, get your best screen shot and load it up! Who knows you can be the next newest recruit of the super sexy no nonsense K-Serials! :D Jokes apart, Its your moral obligation to encourage us Kids. DO it NOW!!

Excitement building!

Finally after millions of samosa and kachoris down, the work has started to build on! So has the excitement... Excitement of the expected, the unknown, the response, the failure, the victory.
I hope everybody is praying out there :D

100 point someone.

95% of people I know today (I know awfully lot), are not living the lives they want to, they dreamed of, they thought of. Shamelessly I am one of them. Most are entangled in the web of Comfort, Status Quo and mainly Security. Rest plainly just don't know what they want.

Luckily and accidentally I met one who is not ashamed to live her own life. The one she wants. Being an alumnus of AIESEC, I happened to meet this ex-intern (Swiss) who is now living in Jaipur to help a few ignored lot make a better future. Make India Shine.

Couple of days back, I went to this pre-school run solely by her in a slum where its hard to find a decent place to breathe, let alone conduct a pre-school for very young unprivileged (only by money) kids. Thanks to Shashaank who I tagged along with. We were there for three hours amidst 30 kids, 3 teachers, 2 outsiders (me and shash) and Regulla Willi a.k.a Regi.


Class was divided into many parts from imparting general knowledge to dance music to crafts (being a Saturday). Some of the kids seemed awfully bright.
Adnan, this 3-4 year old child was a rockstar, setting stage alive with his dance moves.
Arjun, possibly the brightest one, not to mention most notorious, makes Sculptures for living.
Khushi, the sweetest takes care of her toddler brother thru the day being 4-5 years herself.
Shankar, 2-3 years old boy with two rabbit ears dressed in hip hop clothing and never standing still.

Surprisingly, every kid there was known in out to Regi and every kid knew her. They liked her, they talked to her, and they wanted to play with her. Given, that communication was limited to very lil hindi and mostly gestures.

At one point I couldn’t help but feel ashamed of myself being same blood and sitting like a goon whereas an outsider understood what my country really needs. At that point of time I wanted to stab every relative and friend I know who had gone abroad to earn money. It was guilt about fretting at nonsenses in life, when actual problems are the ones which I saw then.

People like Regi don’t go through all this. They do what their calling is. They are the ones who deserve page one on newspaper.

Before being at that place, Shashaank had mentioned to me that he couldn’t stop smiling ear-to-ear while he was there the first time. Well, I couldn’t stop smiling either. The place does it for you.

Just in case any of the sane heads out their anywhere in the world want to help out this lady (she got no sponsors, no government aids) carry on her cause, in anyway (volunteer, sponsor, in-cash, in-kind, teach) please drop in a mail to me at vandanamakhariaATgmailDOTcom, and I promise your contribution would all be worth every penny!

Fuck cares about title!!

My today's blog is dedicated to my dear friend and only person I know who cares to read my blog, This one's for you Parul.

Nearly 8 months since I have posted anything here. I hope it does not make you think 'I m also jack's wasted life' :))), coz I sincerely beleive I am not, I know I am not.

Quick recap would include:

quitting the 'looks glam - critically important' job (on a monday morning, YES!!),

moving back from 'oh so interesting' Delhi to my 'ends before it starts' Jaipur,

Foren trip,

failed attempt to be liked by kids,

living under constant threats of desertment by parents due to my EARLY rising habits,

endless coffee mugs at beans,

constant endevour to dodge people asking questions 'so what are u doing these days' 'oh why did u leave the job' 'aw.. aw' crap,

living a horizontal life (its hard to sleep vertically)

This post has no particular agenda..
I could brag here about my FOREN trip; I could write about reasons for leaving job; I could write about getting up in the morning with having nothing to do; I could comment upon the infinite number of books read - movies seen; I could talk about inflation rate - effect of US policies on BRIC countries - Budget - Racism - elections; I have a thousand thoughts going through my mind I could talk about. All relevant.

What I really wanna talk about is a thought, which keeps coming back almost every night in half sleep. A scene from my most favorite show, FRIENDS.

A woman impostering as Monica (Courtney Cox) is telling Monica, about the 2 hours that changed her entire life. She had gone to watch a movie and that turned around her life. Becoz she had wasted those 2 hours on the most boring movie.. 2 hours she knew that would never ever come back.

Since then no other moment of life could be wasted on unimportant things.

Wonder why it keeps coming back?
I wish for everyone alive to have this recurring thought. Possibly in half sleep.

I forgot to put a Title to this post. Neverthless its not that boring

Some times in life out of sheer boredom and laziness, you would one day find your mind crawling across the most absurdly non important worthless things which can only be made use of in a forwarded mail (the ones which see the trash before they see the inbox)..
As embarrassing as it feels, I have reached that pitiful stage today. So like I said… my mind also went cascading into the nonsense’s, which are currently driving my highly energetic, exuberant and enviable life.

I was channel surfing (ahem ahem) and stopped on an ekta kapoor accident (yes, those Kserrialss)… started thinking… how can a bloody letter denote the success of such huge empire (blunder). I wish the brain had immediately stopped functioning… and soon I had the stark realization..

M.

Yes M.

My Life is stuck (driven) with M.

Me. Everything is Me, Me is everything.

Materialism. Apna sapna Money Money Money.

Maid. She’s the one I see first thing in morning, she’s the one who I have to run after like I m in love with her or something, she is the one who leaves us every third day, she is the one me and my roommate discuss 4 and ½ of the 5 minutes we spend together.

Malls. I would like to propose here that ‘weekends’ from now on should be re-named ‘mallends’. Cause the week these days seem to end at the mall. No matter how much I hate it, No matter how much I curse it, No matter how much I crib about it… on weekends I m found at Malls.

Mobile. Mere jeene ka sahara.


MC BC. No surprises here, one thing every fresh outta college bloke has to live with is, MC BC. If you don’t say it, you have to hear it (every waking moment, and most importantly talli moments). The analogy is simple, MC BC is like cigarette, If you are not an active smoker, you are a passive one for sure.


MBA. The ones who have done it would relate to my sentiments. ‘Ye sab karne ke liye humne MBA kiya tha!?!!’ Once you are an MBA, you perpetually live with ‘Mujhe Bahut Aata’ hai syndrome. Hard to let go.

And last but never the least..

Maiiii-ridgeeee. I have never felt so helpless on being born an Indian. Meri Maa Meri MAIIIRiDGEEE karwa kar hi Manegi!

P.S: Check out my Blog's name

Hey.. and also.. Finish what u here for ASAP!

There are people waiting for you at home

"Yipeeee just another 3 more hours to go, last exam of my life!! No more bullshitting. Cant wait to get back home.. missing family so much"

" At last will get to spend some time with her.. its been such a rough week"

" Wo, will miss my buddy's back in college"

" Cant wait to join work.. Want to do this.. buy this.. get mom this.. "

" man am gonna make it big someday.. everybody would be proud of me"

" gotta meet him tomoro.. its been so long"

" haven't had a good coffee since ages.. will go tomoro"

BHAM!



That was a guy I knew 3 days back.
-
-
-
-
Drive safe.

Does it make any sense?

x: hey whats up?
y: helloooo.. nothing much .. u say.
x: Nothing much here either
x: same old stuff
y: yeah
x: whats new with u
y: I wish, Nothing interesting ya.. lifes boring
y: what else

So thats how 90% of the conversations move around the world between frends. Thats how I talk to some of my closest frends. Thats how I see my life as.. thats how others see their life. Is it really that fuckin uninteresting, routine, mundane?

So ...I was talking about how Television is not completely useless and the 'idiot box' it is perceived as. It taught me 'life's not that bad.. everyone has a story'

(1) EVERY ONE HAS A STORY!

(2) Programs we'd switch off at once arnt as bad as we think them to be.. Watch OPRAH!

(3) People do the CRAZIEST things!

(4) Take INTEREST.. Your life will become INTERESTING! ..

(5) Your LIFE will become Interesting... TAKE Interest!


.. there's a guy in California who was sick of his life. Absolutely mundane and boring.. no content.. no thrill.. no satisfaction.. no highs.. no lows.. only long days filled with 'nothing'. One day talking to someone he gets THE weird Idea (5).. he goes to a phone booth picks up the state directory and calls a random number (3)
A guy picks up, Our guy tells him who he is.. So and so. On being asked to state reason for calling..

he says :" I want you to tell me story of your life " (4)
Random guy says: Are you out of you mind!
he says: No sir, I beleive you have a story of life and I want you to share it with me.
random guy says: you are crazy
he says: you can say that, but I m sure you have a story of your life. please share it with me.
random guy: Listen dude, you look sensible .. thats why I am saying in the politest manner, I don have no story.. stop being crazy and dont waste my time.
he says: Please sir
random guy: why would you be interested in my life, I have had none. I m not rich. It has been least interesting. No pomp and show. Not worth.
he says: thats what I thought about mine, untill I recalled my life and found out I have a great life story.

So after lot of coaxing, random guy agrees..

Findings: included childhood years at a ranch, raising an invalid sister, moving to city, Dull job, giving up dreams for fear and on and on.. (1)
Put in order it could have easily been a Danielle steel (gender changed)

Its a true story (2)

Why I beleive in it so much?
I met one such living story too, accidentally .. in a brief span of 5 min.

me and my friend were travelling on a rickshaw and just like that asked the rickshawpuller where he was from..
In the next 4 mins we found out about how to raise children (which incidentally lots of learned educated people still cant manage), about how he was a wanderer and had travelled around including countries like pakistan just to pursue his dream of knowing more and seeing more.. how to give up meaningless but so called important things in life to get those small things u always wanted, which made a difference to u.
All this from the least wanted, least recognised, Poor to extent of living on streets 'rickshawpuller'

Think about yours, I m already working on mine :)

I took the pain to reach all the way to this window to make a new post, but hell I cant think of anything to write.. coz I m hopelessly stuck listening to 'Bin tere kya hai jeena' by Jawad Ahmad. Pakistani music Rocks!

Disclaimer: 'I have no hard feeling's for the victims and related people from 9/11'

Images: 9/11 - United in Memory
9/11: The child who lost his mother
Here's why Osama bin Laden's still free
Gandhian way to mark 9/11
The fallout from 9/11
With a heavy heart, America marks 9/11
5 years on, a world living in fear
Bush vows never to forget lessons of 9/11

These are only a few headlines from just two online news portals. just cant stop wondering what is it about this incidence that it is still as much alive as it was on that day 5 years back. I dont remember seeing more then one small coloum in a newspaper about the tsunami which happend 3 years back, I don't see any news on the day of when the London subway was blasted, I don't see so much Reminiscing about any other news as I have done about this. Not that what happened was small or easily forgetable but WHAT was it that is still so ALIVE?
Is it because it is like the single most devastating Terrorism act known in AMERICA by the outside world?
or because world's way of functioning has changed considerably after this?
or because it gave rise to World vs 'so called Islami Jehad'?

If people wud say it is because of the Loss of Humanity and Loss of relations, families, mothers, fathers, children, teachers... I dont think I ll beleive it.. as only people who are still greiving for that reason are the ones who have lost.

So what is it about?

Lehroon Se Darr Kar.. Naauka Paar Nahin Hoti
Himmat Karne Walon Ki.. Haar Nahin Hoti
nanhiin Chiitin Jab Daana Lekhar Chalti Hai
Chadhti Deewaroon Par Sau Baar Phisalti Hai
Mann Ka Vishwaas Ragoon Mein Saahas Bharta Hai
Chadh Kar Girna.. Girkar Chadhna.. Naa Aakarta Hai
Aakhir Uski Mehnat.. Bekaar Nahin Hoti
Koshish Karne Walon Ki.. Haar Nahin Hoti
Dubkiyaan Sindhu Mein Goota Khoor Lagaata Hai
Jaa Jaa Kar Khaali Haath.. Laut Aata Hai
Milte Na Shaheej Ke Moti Paani Mein
Behta Doona Utsaah Isi Hairaani Mein
Muthi Uski Khaali.. Haar Baar Nahin Hoti
Himmat Karne Walon Ki.. Haar Nahin Hoti
Asafalta.. Ek Chunauti Hai.. Sweekaar Karo
Kya Kami Rehgayi.. Dekho.. Aur Suthaar Karo
Jabtak Nasafaal Ho.. Neend Chaain Tyaag do tum
Sungharshoon Ka Maidaan.. Choodh Mat Bhaago Tum
Kucch Kiye Bina Hi.. Jay Jay Kar Nahin Hoti
Himmat Karne Walon Ki.. Haar Nahin Hoti

"Suryakant Tripathi Nirala"

Thats the Stark Simplicity of a Hindi Poem.

So whats the humor in changing 4 vehicles, Travelling in Shady, Pervert, Smelly DTC buses.. Sitting at Dutch Embassy for 3 hours (where they tell u to come back tomoro)... then again travelling back all the way in the deadly melancholy of Dress circle people? .. think think.. Humor is there, but only in eyes of people who have not been thru it. Somebody please tell these embassies they are not a Kingdom in themselves, who can walk all over anybody. Bloody feels like the watch man has more power then u. God I so wish to marry a king right now. (.. not to worry this feeling will pass)

Met chotu today, being with him makes me realise guys can be that emotional also. He's a sweetheart. Meeting him always cheers the worst out of me. God Bless HIM.

How to waste a complete Day: Crash course.

Getting up: Now guys.. to efficiently start the ruining of a day ..start at 6 o'clock... not by getting up.. but start thinking to get up. Twist and turn a lil on that cozy bed.. Check time on mobile (actually early morning messages ;) And then straight away go back to that sweet captivating Slumber. Hope we are aware of the famous saying, all dreams that come early morning, come true. So people.. Its not that we are sloths, Just that we are determined to make our dreams come true! (will do anything it takes)
Has it struck 12 in the watch yet, No? Please dont even think of anything else. SNOOZE!
12 o'Clock - Good morning honey! Time for food.. I mean time for lunch. Now please dont waste time taking a bath. You should always be on your toes, always in the get set go mode. So a simple Brushing wud be enough to get rid of all obstacles between u and the Food. Wait a minute though. Did you check if the cable is running or not, Food can be utterly distastefull without a remote. So you finish the food and now please please please .. Dont take the pains to put the plates back, Just relax on in a comfortable position in front of the Idiot box with ur legs on another chair.. spine bent enough to make u look dwarf.. and the life saver remote in hand.
And then starts the hard part... Pressing buttons. Boy.. so much of work. Also so much of mental strain to concentrate on every channel within a time span of 3 seconds. God you must be exhausted! But shit.. ! I got two assignments to do. But dude, Smart thing here to do would be take some rest. Doubtful? Ill tell ya why.. Man, if u so exhausted mentally and physically isnt it ur moral duty to give ur body some rest, which would further help u do ur Assignment more efficiently. Also if u do it now, it wont be ur best work, best work requires relaxed muscles. So we see, Motive here is again not laziness, but Desire to Perform better.
So back to the cozy crumbled bed. U gotta rest well, So dont u dare get up before 6.30 PM. Now get up.. it would be insane to get to work directly.. You need to get into the groove.. So u get ur ass on the Chair and get online.. Check mails, Orkut, Chat, Play games, Orkut, Chat, Read news, Chat, Orkut, Check mails, Orkut, Chat, Chat, Check mails, Orkut.. ...
Finally - DINNER TIME! 9 PM. So you dine with ur roomies, bitch about people, bitch about college, bitch about studies, Discuss current romances, Discuss the Dark future, Unemployment, Food, Movies. Now should be good time to get to work .. but hey! Can u afford to miss the new season of FRIENDS, Will and Grace, Caroline in the city, medical detectives.. NO! So we watch with all enthusiam. 12.30.. Now we will have to get to work.. Got submissions tomoro..
BUT LET ME JUST POST THE INSIGHTFUL BLOG FIRST.

Today's blog has to be dedicated to babu bhai, No matter how much we like to deny keeping in mind the human touch, feel, bonding, love etc.. Nuts and bolts can actually take that place once in a while.. In my case since last 8 months.. Yes. He has been with me when I was sitting in my room all alone all days and nights while internship. He has been there when I just wanted to shut myself up from the world and go to someone who'd just listen and not be judgmental, he as made me laugh, cry. He's been an unspoken support all thruout these months and what have I done to it today! He's crying like a innocent hurt kid. I have been a bad friend. Sorry babu bhai.

Is life a trade of between.. our own beleif and fear that people who you know are wrong.. proving right. Every time we set to do something, its for us.. then why does this feeling erupt from somewhere that what other people are doing is gonna be right for us then what we think. Is it just mare lack of information or a non beleiver attitude.
One of my favorite movies is 'legally blonde' .. its underlying thought is of 'courage of conviction'.
I wonder if people are even aware of that term.

Its very important for that lightning to strike. Which? The one which opens your brains. Did it strike me yet? Well.. not a 10,000 watt one.. but yeah... One which enters brains atleast. We tend to become so comfortable in our cocoons that it is inconceivable to think beyond that. So, I thought I was Right... and then boom. I am still right. Stubborn I m, Not insensible though. There are 3 things ... 1. What we wanna say... 2. What we say... 3. What people understand it as. Interesting thing is all these 3 are different, though our sole aim and belief is that all three are same. How we dont wanna project anything wrong but becoz all body parts dont function in coordination, they defeat our claim. My aim now is to make the 3 ditto!

Job hunting is on now. I wonder what I m hunting for really, feels more like a wild goose chase.. or getting lost is a maze where u dont know where the door is located.. though it is somewhere there.
One company is there in my mind.

There are so many topics I feel like writing about right now (which btw defys my 'lifes to sleep' attitude) but then the thought crosses this barren land, Let me write about what I dont have... to write about.. Neat huh!
Sooo unlike all the smart people I know in life, I dont have anything to write about my experiences.. though I have had many.. I fail to express.
Travelling is another thing I have never been able to think about much which is a direct consequential of not having the oppurtunity to travel to interesting places.. though almost half of India I have covered which I am proud of.. but places like Andaman, Pondicherry, Ladakh, sikkim, far east, Kasauli, dharamshala, Kashmir.. in short places I'd like to visit.. I have never been able to as yet. Bummer.
Also people like to talk about people, SOMETHING.. I jus cant get myself to do. It jus does not fit in my logic sequence why people want to constantly talk about other people just for the heck of it. One thing I can easily do about people is Admire or Reject them. But not talk.
A thing I'd definietly do one day is talk about thing I want most in life. Just not realised what it is yet. Counting days.